The future is something I never worried about; I had it all worked out. I had the next 15 years of my life all planned out and never thought this plan would have to change. In hindsight, this was very naive of me because life doesn’t work out the way we plan – and that’s okay.
My plan was to graduate in Law and Psychology, maybe further my studies with a PHD. I would then go on to have a career in either or both of these things, get married and own a house before 30 and then take time out for kids after 33, returning to my career before 40. This is a very simplified version of my plan – believe me it was far more in depth. This is a plan I’ve had for many years and one I never dreamed of swaying from. The universe decided however, that my plan was not the right path for me and that I needed a different direction for my future. It’s taken me a while but I’ve slowly come to accept this.
The future for me is dark – but not the kind of darkness you’d expect. It’s dark because I can’t see it yet, there are so many things I don’t know and so many decisions I can’t make until certain things come to light. This darkness does not need to be negative, in fact I think it keeps life sort of interesting. The future never scared me until now, but I think it’s okay to be fearful sometimes.
Life wasn’t meant to be planned, our futures can change in an instant and there’s nothing we can do about it. These events that change our lives and our directions are the ones that shape who we are as people and for me that it far more important than sticking to a plan.
I have so many unanswered questions that i never thought I’d have to consider in my life. Can I finish my degree? Will I be able to have a baby? Will I be able to travel the world? Where will my health be in 10 years? These questions will all be answered in time, I will just have to be patient with the universe.
I believe that my future will not always be so dark, one day there will be light shed upon my situation. It is scary being in this place but I will not be here forever.
Until that happens however, I do my best to find as many Rainbows in the Dark as I can. Some days it’s harder than others to remain positive about my unknown future but I know I can do it.