To Google Or Not To Google

Google doctor is understandably every doctor’s pet peeve but let’s be honest – we’ve all done it once or twice. It is mostly harmful to the ordinary patient seeking medical advice; however, my condition makes me a not-so-ordinary patient and I often struggle with the question – ‘to google, or not to google?’ Continue reading

The Darkness That Came Before The Light

It’s about time I open up about the beginning of my journey because to truly understand how I got to where I am now, you need to know how hard it was to get here. Picture this. You are 21, in the absolute prime of your life. You are studying your hardest at university to achieve grades in the top 10%. Continue reading

I am Thankful for my Illness

We have just passed my six month anniversary of my illness. Typically anniversaries are something to celebrate – so I’ve decided this particular one shouldn’t be any different. I could dwell on the fact that I’m six months into an undiagnosed illness with no signs of a diagnosis anytime soon or I could celebrate all the beautiful things that have come out of this time. I have recently come to the conclusion that overall, I am thankful for my illness. Continue reading

I am Tired of Being Tired

How am I you ask? Fucking tired. Scratch that, I am fucking exhausted. All the time. Every single day.

When I tell you I’m tired (which I can almost guarantee I will; multiple times) I do not mean I am tired because I had a big night or didn’t sleep well last night. When I tell you I am tired, what I actually mean is I am chronically fatigued. Continue reading

Dancing with Words – My Illness as my Dance Partner.

As a dancer, I’ve always expressed my emotions through dance. I would tell a story of my own emotional battles through either my improvisation or my choreography. Lately I have been really down about not being able to physically express my current struggles through dance. I sometimes hear the perfect song and envision myself telling my story through movements and flow. When the realisation kicks in that I most likely will never be able to express myself with dance again, it brings me to tears every time. Continue reading

My New Normal

I can’t remember the last time I felt ‘normal’ – before all these symptoms started five months ago. I know they haven’t always been here but I honestly can’t remember what it felt like before. As much as I try to remember how it felt to be strong, active and awake, I just can’t do it. The thought of being those things feels so foreign to me – as if they were a lifetime ago. It scares me because it’s only been five months since this started. If I’m struggling to remember normal now – what the hell is it going to be like in five years’ time? Continue reading