The End of a Relationship, The Start of a New Journey…

Some of you may already know that Justin and I have recently split up after an incredible five years together. I had to make this decision for my mental health as I was losing myself in this relationship and not coping very well with everything. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make but it was time to put myself first.

This may come as a shock to most because on the surface our relationship seemed to be as close to perfect as they come, and for the most part, it really was. This post is not going to be an explanation of why I made my decision, it is going to be a reflection on why I am so thankful for him and the years we spent together.

At just 17 years old he came into my life so unexpectedly, a time where I was enjoying being young and carefree and a relationship was the last thing on my mind. I figured that it would just be a little fling, I definitely did not expect to fall in love with this crazy boy. We hung out with each other for weeks, ‘just friends’ I told him over and over but every second I spent with him I couldn’t help but fall for him a little more every time he smiled.

Things moved really fast between us, to my surprise. We started dating and soon enough we became boyfriend and girlfriend. After just four months we moved in together and started building our lives together. We got pets together, furniture and made plans for our future. We travelled and adventured together and loved each other so deeply.

We grew up together, we matured and followed our dreams together. I watched him start his career and was by his side when he became a qualified chef. He celebrated my studies and motivated me through the stress of university. I loved watching him turn from boy to man and having him by my side while I transformed from girl to woman. We spent our whole adult lives thus far together, and we do not know this world without each other. It’s a scary thought, but with the things we’ve taught each other, I know we can make it in this world on our own.

He stood by my side when I got sick, supported me in everyway he knew how. He loved me unconditionally even when the girl he fell in loved with was slowly fading away. He helped me stay strong and find my positivity again, he taught me that there were always rainbows to be found, even in the dark.

I will always have so much to be thankful for to him for, from the great times and incredible memories to the hard times and lessons that came with them. He taught me how to be myself no matter what, how to push through hard times and stay positive. He showed me how to compromise and how to be a great partner. He taught me how to love.

I am so thankful for all the beautiful memories we made together, even though it hurts so bad to remember them right now. I hope one day we can both look back on the good times and smile, instead of cry. I am so grateful for the opportunity to love and to be loved for so long. We shared a love that not everyone gets to experience, and because of that I will always treasure our time together.

We dreamed, and we planned, we worked hard, and reached goals together. I am proud of what we achieved together, and it hurts my heart that the future we dreamt of is something that we can no longer have with each other. But we will make new plans, have new dreams and reach new goals and even though we won’t be doing this together, I will always be cheering for him and proud of his successes.

At the end of the day, he has been one of the biggest blessings to ever come into my life and I will always be grateful for that. I am so thankful that we got to spend some of the best years of our lives together, absolutely crazy in love. One of the hardest lessons that we learn as adults is that sometimes love just isn’t enough to hold two people together.

 

If you’d like to read my previous posts on this relationship, here they are:

http://findingrainbowsinthedark.com/me-my-partner-and-guilt-a-difficult-threesum/

http://findingrainbowsinthedark.com/a-letter-to-the-man-i-love/

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