6 Emotional Side Effects Of Being Undiagnosed

These six things are all connected and create a lot of difficulty for people living with an undiagnosed condition. I can’t tell you for sure that a diagnosis will fix these things but in a lot of ways a diagnosis would make them more bearable. Being sick is shitty, but being undiagnosed is worse. I battle all six of these emotions every day – some days it’s easier than others. It’s definitely not an easy journey but I’m learning to deal with these things as I go along. Continue reading

Why I Blog

It was once hinted that my blogs were a form of ‘attention seeking’ by someone close to me and it really hurt me. I then began to think about why the hell I was actually doing it and dedicating most of my time to it. I was determined to prove to myself that my blogs were not me ‘crying for help’ or ‘attention seeking’ but I came to the conclusion that as a matter of fact I do want attention for my blogs but not for selfish reasons at all. Continue reading

Dancing with Words – My Illness as my Dance Partner.

As a dancer, I’ve always expressed my emotions through dance. I would tell a story of my own emotional battles through either my improvisation or my choreography. Lately I have been really down about not being able to physically express my current struggles through dance. I sometimes hear the perfect song and envision myself telling my story through movements and flow. When the realisation kicks in that I most likely will never be able to express myself with dance again, it brings me to tears every time. Continue reading

What No Diagnosis Really Means

Never in my life did it occur to me that one day I would wake up sick and (potentially) never get better. I often brush over just how scary the unknown really is. When I let myself think about it, the truth is I’m shitting myself. I have no diagnosis, which sounds like no big deal right? Wrong. I can honestly say, living with an undiagnosed illness is one of the hardest things I will ever do. Continue reading

My New Normal

I can’t remember the last time I felt ‘normal’ – before all these symptoms started five months ago. I know they haven’t always been here but I honestly can’t remember what it felt like before. As much as I try to remember how it felt to be strong, active and awake, I just can’t do it. The thought of being those things feels so foreign to me – as if they were a lifetime ago. It scares me because it’s only been five months since this started. If I’m struggling to remember normal now – what the hell is it going to be like in five years’ time? Continue reading