5 Ways To Stay Positive When Life Gets Tough

People are constantly telling you to ‘stay positive’ but no one ever tells you how it’s possible to think positively when you are going through a hard time. ‘Stay positive’ is kind of an empty piece of advice when you think about it. When I am going through a rough patch and someone tells me to ‘just be positive’ I kind of want to positively punch them in the face. However, I am a firm believer in ‘the power of positivity’ and I believe that everyone should at least give ‘being positive’ a chance. This post explains my most effective tricks to maintaining a positive attitude. Continue reading

A Letter To The Man Who Loves Me Despite My Chronic Illness

When I met you, you were a little lost. You didn’t know what you wanted to do or where you wanted to go. I, however, had it all worked out; the city move, the study, the career. The more I got to know you the more I realised that I wanted you above all other things. Continue reading

Acceptance Is The Key To Finding Happiness Again

When I talk to people about my situation, most of the time I get the reaction ‘I don’t know how you do it’ or ‘how are you still so positive?’ My answer to this is acceptance. This applies to anything in life, if you can’t accept your circumstances, you can’t take control of them.

Continue reading

Me, My Partner and Guilt – a Difficult Threesum

I want to start this post by saying I am ridiculously in love with my boyfriend of almost four years and he is the greatest rainbow by far that I have in my life. However lately overwhelming feelings of guilt have been impacting my relationship with him. Guilt that stems purely from my illness. Continue reading

Why I Blog

It was once hinted that my blogs were a form of ‘attention seeking’ by someone close to me and it really hurt me. I then began to think about why the hell I was actually doing it and dedicating most of my time to it. I was determined to prove to myself that my blogs were not me ‘crying for help’ or ‘attention seeking’ but I came to the conclusion that as a matter of fact I do want attention for my blogs but not for selfish reasons at all. Continue reading

Dancing with Words – My Illness as my Dance Partner.

As a dancer, I’ve always expressed my emotions through dance. I would tell a story of my own emotional battles through either my improvisation or my choreography. Lately I have been really down about not being able to physically express my current struggles through dance. I sometimes hear the perfect song and envision myself telling my story through movements and flow. When the realisation kicks in that I most likely will never be able to express myself with dance again, it brings me to tears every time. Continue reading

A Deeper Insight into my Situation

The doctor once asked me to shade in the affected areas on a piece of paper with an outline of a person on it. A simple task if I were seeing him for an injured ankle or back pain. For my situation this task was quite difficult. Did affected mean just the numbness? What about the pain? The weakness? The terrible cognitive processes? I could have used every colour of the rainbow (pun intended) to demonstrate the different effects on different areas. Continue reading

My New Normal

I can’t remember the last time I felt ‘normal’ – before all these symptoms started five months ago. I know they haven’t always been here but I honestly can’t remember what it felt like before. As much as I try to remember how it felt to be strong, active and awake, I just can’t do it. The thought of being those things feels so foreign to me – as if they were a lifetime ago. It scares me because it’s only been five months since this started. If I’m struggling to remember normal now – what the hell is it going to be like in five years’ time? Continue reading

A Second Opinion

Following my disastrous appointment which left me feeling like the world had ended, I spent days feeling lost. I had to snap out of it before it took over my life. I understand how you can convince yourself that you basically have any illness by reading about it too much but it was my doctors that had me convinced. As ridiculous as it sounds – I was embarrassed that my results were negative. Continue reading