Embracing the Positives and Letting Go of the Negatives of 2017

As 2017 comes to an end, I have been thinking about how I am going to close this chapter of my life and start the next one. I want to start 2018 happy, grateful and at peace so that’s how I am going to end 2017. I want to use this post as an opportunity to remind myself of everything that I am grateful for that has come to me in this past year and to let go of any negative emotions that I don’t want to bring with me into the new year. Continue reading

Re-Evaluating My Identity

“Tell us about your self” was written in the empty box underneath my name. This question was one that I had never struggled with before, in fact if anything I struggled to write about myself within the word limits that capped my answer short every time. This question was now one that brought tears to my eyes and churned my stomach. Why is it so hard to answer this simple question? I feel torn between holding onto my old identity and accepting my new one, but I have no idea what my new identity is. Continue reading

I am Thankful for my Illness

We have just passed my six month anniversary of my illness. Typically anniversaries are something to celebrate – so I’ve decided this particular one shouldn’t be any different. I could dwell on the fact that I’m six months into an undiagnosed illness with no signs of a diagnosis anytime soon or I could celebrate all the beautiful things that have come out of this time. I have recently come to the conclusion that overall, I am thankful for my illness. Continue reading

Why I Blog

It was once hinted that my blogs were a form of ‘attention seeking’ by someone close to me and it really hurt me. I then began to think about why the hell I was actually doing it and dedicating most of my time to it. I was determined to prove to myself that my blogs were not me ‘crying for help’ or ‘attention seeking’ but I came to the conclusion that as a matter of fact I do want attention for my blogs but not for selfish reasons at all. Continue reading

I am Tired of Being Tired

How am I you ask? Fucking tired. Scratch that, I am fucking exhausted. All the time. Every single day.

When I tell you I’m tired (which I can almost guarantee I will; multiple times) I do not mean I am tired because I had a big night or didn’t sleep well last night. When I tell you I am tired, what I actually mean is I am chronically fatigued. Continue reading

Dancing with Words – My Illness as my Dance Partner.

As a dancer, I’ve always expressed my emotions through dance. I would tell a story of my own emotional battles through either my improvisation or my choreography. Lately I have been really down about not being able to physically express my current struggles through dance. I sometimes hear the perfect song and envision myself telling my story through movements and flow. When the realisation kicks in that I most likely will never be able to express myself with dance again, it brings me to tears every time. Continue reading

But You Look Great!

Without a doubt, this line has been used on myself by almost everyone I come across who is aware of my situation. While I am totally aware that people genuinely think they are complementing me, it just pisses me off. Normally, ‘you look great’ would be a compliment I would happily receive – however now this sentence comes with an invisible second part which makes it not so flattering. Continue reading