When Seeking A Diagnosis Feels Like Seeking Disapointment

Going to the doctors is easy; you call and make an appointment, you turn up and discuss your symptoms and then your doctor presents you with an answer and a solution. However this is not the case for people like me, people with rare and chronic conditions that are difficult to diagnose. Did we realise this the first few times we went to the doctors seeking answers? Of course not. We all walked into that office expecting to walk out with answers and treatment. Continue reading

Re-Evaluating My Identity

“Tell us about your self” was written in the empty box underneath my name. This question was one that I had never struggled with before, in fact if anything I struggled to write about myself within the word limits that capped my answer short every time. This question was now one that brought tears to my eyes and churned my stomach. Why is it so hard to answer this simple question? I feel torn between holding onto my old identity and accepting my new one, but I have no idea what my new identity is. Continue reading

To Google Or Not To Google

Google doctor is understandably every doctor’s pet peeve but let’s be honest – we’ve all done it once or twice. It is mostly harmful to the ordinary patient seeking medical advice; however, my condition makes me a not-so-ordinary patient and I often struggle with the question – ‘to google, or not to google?’ Continue reading

6 Emotional Side Effects Of Being Undiagnosed

These six things are all connected and create a lot of difficulty for people living with an undiagnosed condition. I can’t tell you for sure that a diagnosis will fix these things but in a lot of ways a diagnosis would make them more bearable. Being sick is shitty, but being undiagnosed is worse. I battle all six of these emotions every day – some days it’s easier than others. It’s definitely not an easy journey but I’m learning to deal with these things as I go along. Continue reading

Why I Blog

It was once hinted that my blogs were a form of ‘attention seeking’ by someone close to me and it really hurt me. I then began to think about why the hell I was actually doing it and dedicating most of my time to it. I was determined to prove to myself that my blogs were not me ‘crying for help’ or ‘attention seeking’ but I came to the conclusion that as a matter of fact I do want attention for my blogs but not for selfish reasons at all. Continue reading

Dancing with Words – My Illness as my Dance Partner.

As a dancer, I’ve always expressed my emotions through dance. I would tell a story of my own emotional battles through either my improvisation or my choreography. Lately I have been really down about not being able to physically express my current struggles through dance. I sometimes hear the perfect song and envision myself telling my story through movements and flow. When the realisation kicks in that I most likely will never be able to express myself with dance again, it brings me to tears every time. Continue reading