How Did The Sick Girl Cross The Road?

From the time we could walk, we were taught to hold an adults hand and look both ways before crossing a road. Gradually our parents and carers began to give us more and more responsibility when it came to making the decision of if it was safe to cross. After years of training, how to look left and right, the responsibility became our own and suddenly there was no adults hand to hold. Continue reading

Life’s Tough When You Are Constantly Choosing Between Your Health And Your Experiences

When it comes down to it, I am ‘too sick’ for a lot of things – most things in fact. Some of these things are made totally impossible by my symptoms but others are just made extremely difficult. I’ve been struggling with the ‘extremely difficult’ things lately; do I risk my body totally failing and resulting in immense pain/fatigue or do I play it safe and stay in bed? Continue reading

Why You Need To Stop Apologising To Your Chronically Ill Friend

I’ve always tried to make myself available and approachable to anyone who needed the extra support. Whether it be my friends going through a hard time, a stranger crying in a bathroom or someone posting a sad status on Facebook – I always offer genuine support and make it clear that I am happy to listen to them when they need to talk. Lately, I’ve noticed a huge change with my friends though, and I need to put a stop to it. Continue reading

I am Thankful for my Illness

We have just passed my six month anniversary of my illness. Typically anniversaries are something to celebrate – so I’ve decided this particular one shouldn’t be any different. I could dwell on the fact that I’m six months into an undiagnosed illness with no signs of a diagnosis anytime soon or I could celebrate all the beautiful things that have come out of this time. I have recently come to the conclusion that overall, I am thankful for my illness. Continue reading

I am Tired of Being Tired

How am I you ask? Fucking tired. Scratch that, I am fucking exhausted. All the time. Every single day.

When I tell you I’m tired (which I can almost guarantee I will; multiple times) I do not mean I am tired because I had a big night or didn’t sleep well last night. When I tell you I am tired, what I actually mean is I am chronically fatigued. Continue reading

Dancing with Words – My Illness as my Dance Partner.

As a dancer, I’ve always expressed my emotions through dance. I would tell a story of my own emotional battles through either my improvisation or my choreography. Lately I have been really down about not being able to physically express my current struggles through dance. I sometimes hear the perfect song and envision myself telling my story through movements and flow. When the realisation kicks in that I most likely will never be able to express myself with dance again, it brings me to tears every time. Continue reading

But You Look Great!

Without a doubt, this line has been used on myself by almost everyone I come across who is aware of my situation. While I am totally aware that people genuinely think they are complementing me, it just pisses me off. Normally, ‘you look great’ would be a compliment I would happily receive – however now this sentence comes with an invisible second part which makes it not so flattering. Continue reading

A Deeper Insight into my Situation

The doctor once asked me to shade in the affected areas on a piece of paper with an outline of a person on it. A simple task if I were seeing him for an injured ankle or back pain. For my situation this task was quite difficult. Did affected mean just the numbness? What about the pain? The weakness? The terrible cognitive processes? I could have used every colour of the rainbow (pun intended) to demonstrate the different effects on different areas. Continue reading